; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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