I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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