Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
