Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
