I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
