He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
