please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
