its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
