yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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