I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
being pregnant is like rehab
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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