Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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