Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
