theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize