Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
