Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
