So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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