High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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