im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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