throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
