Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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