oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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