So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Randomize
