Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I want to make a zoo with you.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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