your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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