Can Purell be used as lube?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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