I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Someone came in the potted fern
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Randomize
