Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
