woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
50% drunk capacity currently
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
