but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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