she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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