Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
