im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
