I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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