and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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