What a dumb baby whore.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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