he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
