i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
