I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
