You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
