Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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