Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
