I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
