I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
