where does the pee come out of this thing
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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