DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
