Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
