remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
