Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
