Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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