he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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