It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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