Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
