They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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