I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
