remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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