Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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