now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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