I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
