My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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