If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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