It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
