i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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