so explain again why im purple
no
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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