Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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