Heybabeimwearingurpanties
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
