You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
