you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
