operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize