Will you blow on my dice?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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