I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
